YOU GOTTA BE BLEEPING ME!
By Robert Hitchman
If you’ve been umpiring any length of time, I’m sure you’ve heard your share of angry, profane, idiotic, and yes, even funny comments directed towards you. These comments can come from coaches, fans, parents, and, depending on the age, even players. Some may have a semblance of respect, others, much disrespect. What I’d like to deal with is how we respond to it. Or more to the point, how we shouldn’t. Specifically, I want to deal with sarcasm. While sarcasm may be funny in a sit-com or movie, it really doesn’t have any place on the diamond, especially from us, the umpires. I bring this up because I know how tempting it can be. And a lot of times sarcasm can make your point without being over the top.
RESPECT, RESPECT, RESPECT
Be that as it may, let me remind you of something. Just like in real estate in which location, location, location is of the utmost importance. In our field, respect, respect, respect is extremely important in game management. You know the old adage, “To get respect, you have to give it.” Well, when a coach comes out and totally disrespects you, how do you respond? No matter how coaches, fans, parents or players treat us, we have to take the high road. And sarcasm, no matter how funny or to the point, is the low road.
We’ve all been trained that how you walk up to the field can determine how much respect you’ll get initially. Shoes shined, pants pressed, shirt tucked in, hat on your head facing forward (unless you use a hockey mask like me) will go a long way in gaining people’s respect. Then a good, short, concise, pre-game meeting, with as few words as possible, and a good knowledge of the rules will bump you up a few more notches. Then when the coach comes out to dispute the first close call, how do you respond. If you respond with sarcasm, you could lose a great deal, if not all, of the respect you’ve built up.
LOSE THE ONE-LINERS
As tempting as it can be there are some lines you don’t want to use. Such as:
REALLY?
You’re kidding, right?
Please tell me you’re joking!
Definitely do not imitate your favorite broadcaster’s line. No “YOU GOTTA BE BLEEPING ME! I know it’s a great line, but you’re not Ken “Hawk” Harrelson. And under no circumstances should you be firing a pre-emptive first shot. You know exactly what I’m talking about. The coach has been giving you a “soft” needle all game. At the first close play he comes out with his hair on fire. So you decide to head him off at the pass with some clever sarcastic remark to shut him up before he gets started. Bad idea. Our job is to de-escalate, not throw gas on the fire. And sarcasm is exactly that, trying to put fire out with gasoline.
FAMILIARITY CAN BREED CONTEMPT
This can really be tempting if you know the coach or coaches well. Like someone you’re on the league board with, or even worse, you played school ball with. You think it’ll work on the field because it may have worked at the league board meeting. Or you’ve known him for years and the two of you always joke around like that. For one thing, that’s not good because you may be taking advantage of a friendship. Secondly, umpiring has this in common with life in general. It can take years to build up a good reputation and only seconds to tear it down.
Now getting back to respect; you’re not respecting him. And even though you’re not talking to the parents, they hear it. Worse than that, the kids hear it. We need to be setting a good example for them. We’re the adults on the field. I know what some of you are thinking, some of these coaches don’t act like adults. Be that as it may, we as umpires must take the high road.
Here’s another thing to think about. Let’s say you and the home coach played HS or college ball together, you’ve been buddies for decades. The two of you are going back and forth with sarcastic remarks all game. You two always do that and you’re both fine with it. That might be somewhat OK if it’s a local league where you know both coaches well and they know each other, and they’re doing to each other as well. But what if, say as in a tournament, and the other team is from out of state, and the other coach doesn’t know either one of you from Adam? He may think your buddy is going to get all the close calls, so he feels has to start chirping to pull you over to his side, or at least somewhere in the middle. Not a good situation to be in, especially since it’s avoidable.
ALWAYS ON TRIAL
A final thought. How far do you want to move up? Is it HS or college games? Even if you’re content to stay with LL, you may want to do playoffs, regionals, etc., Remember, you are always, ALWAYS, being evaluated. (Either the coaches or school AD, league official, or umpire association board member in the stands.) If you want to do the big games with the best teams, the assignors always try to assign the best umpires, and sarcasm can knock you down a few rungs. So gentlemen, “LET’S PLAY BALL!”